you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
