I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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