chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
