Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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