grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
