totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
