i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i've created a new STD.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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