So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
