I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
