Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
