I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
