Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
