The maid of honor just puked.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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