Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
