You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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