Sponge bath it is.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
