She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
