pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Pooping to opera.
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