Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
