listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
