I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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