Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
