I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
