I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
