so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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