You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
