I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
