you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
