It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
