Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
