"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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