Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
