Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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