Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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