Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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