how can u be prego again
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
