Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
