I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
