I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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