Your tits are I can't wait for
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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