Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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