Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
