He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
