lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
