My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
