the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
this just has baby written all over it
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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