yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
