Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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