i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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