stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
