im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
