the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
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