No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
