Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
