omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
How's work?
Spinning.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
