my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
