He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
