There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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