i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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