i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
