Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
