wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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