When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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