come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
