i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
