i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
