Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize