When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
