is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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