I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
false alarm, still single
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
