wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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