i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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