Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
