So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
