New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
