I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
