Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
