this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The best revenge is premature balding
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
