I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
