I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
