i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
