but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
someone owes me an orgasm
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
