we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
