My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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