Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
the liver wants what the liver wants
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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