there's paper in my vomit.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
