Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
