ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize