I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
