she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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