I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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