There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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