omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize