as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
