JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
and she was petting her beer can
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
