Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
