Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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