At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
