I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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