I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
