smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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