Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
