Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
