Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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