youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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