if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
