Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
